"Your words became my endless sea. I was running against the waves of jealousy with the places and things that life could offer you. Without me. I felt jealous during our bus trip last week when you told me that you'll be overseas in no time. When I only had myself and nothing more to offer but myself.
Counting what IFs and asking who am I to stand in your way? While was spelling your name between my heartbeats. That exact time and feeling.
And this slowly filming in my head —"I wish I could be the best version of myself too soon."
So that you can just carry me around without hesitation that I could cause you any burden. To be that someone in your passenger seat. If not and if that day comes, I'll just wish to be a little fish around your ship or a mermaid. Perfect.
But seriously, I wish there'll be a better life awaiting me too so that I could make you proud of me to introduce me to the world. Would an Accountant make your plans undone? It's been just my thoughts from midnights. Surely, this note will make me cry someday when I can able to be one. I think this will serve as a letter for myself too. Should I believe that these plans can get me near you? If not, I should think of plan B, C, or up to Z. Well, we're still teenagers. Haha. Life is easy, I guess? Chill. Be crazy. End."
—Jhunamae Moja (smnllyl, little fish)
Journal Date: 08.09.2017
