So Different

Our lives are so different, yet here we are, sitting in the same city on different roads. Attempting not to cross our eyes again. Attempting to forget we were once known as lovers or friends. While were proving how many worlds apart we are. And we’re so many worlds apart —not even in the same universe.

Our thoughts are so different, yet here we are, sitting in the same city on different buses to take. You were busy getting your life better. You were happily crawling to your games. While I am now fitting all my frustration and disappointment in this too damn small city.

Our futures are so different, yet here we are, sitting in the same city with different thoughts about our dreams. You were sure about being a man of the sea. You were loving the sound of the ocean by now. While I am now confused with the sound of negativity in my head.

—Jhunamae Moja (Smnllyl, so different)

Journal Date: 11.06.2022

If we make it

"Maybe, if we make it,

I swim to your ocean to light where you are blue. My playlist is filled with love songs about you. Your words are what will keep me awake every night and what wakes me up in the morning. Your hello never sounds like goodbye but everything.

The monochrome rainbow inside my head is pink in all layers. Your favorites are well-listed in my mind. We have popcorn and soda over movies or games. Coffee and cookies over nice books. We can have a refrigerator-light dance with spins and bends. 

Maybe if we make it,

this is not the only way I let my love language be well-spoken. Because you are always well-written to every corner of my senses.

I wrote this, so that even just through these words, this way we can make it."

–Jhunamae Moja (If we make it, smnllyl)

Journal Date:

Treasure

"In the next years of this lifetime, our memories will be in a jar —kept on shelves of my feats. 

To remember that I once became a home by a man of the sea. A home between flying ships and sinking planes, never been wanted, never been haunted, and not wanting this kind of love again." 

–Jhunamae Moja (treasure, smnllyl)

Journal Date: 

The last time I saw you

"I walked out through the backdoor of the mall. I ran dumbfoundedly. I wondered if the world looked different to you that night because it certainly looked different to me."

— Jhunamae Moja (the last time I saw you, smnllyl)

Journal Date: 11.12.22