Your love knocked me down

"I want to feel it again. To be someone's favorite human alive. The thirst and stomach ache I felt when you forgot to give me drinks on your birthday. To run your name in my chest with all possible meanings for the nth time around. Your jokes knocked me down to my bed and couldn't find the air to sustain the laugh. The scare we both felt the night I told you something talking from the ceiling and you called it Olaf.

I want to feel it again. Your love. But you loved me once and you think that was enough."

—Jhunamae Moja, Smnllyl(your love knocked me down)
Journal Date: 

Art of the game

Will you ever understand the damage you've made?

I learned the art of self-medicating

Through tears and poetries

Like a playing doctor

Because these are all a game to you

I always end up puzzling over this weakest spot 

And you memorized its cracks where I glued it

Hurting in your sudden absence 

You caused it.

Will you ever condone being the cure to all the faults? 

I learned the art of having what-ifs

Through our memories and stained souls

Like a playing doctor

Because these are all a game to you 

I know my heart is broken 

Because I am the doctor and you are the cure

But you leave, you always leave

It will forever be sick.

–Jhunamae Moja, Smnllyl(art of the game)

Journal Date: