25/8

"Don't expect that the right one always come with flowers and Valentine love letters. They won't always come as man in a suit with expensive gifts, or in a date with fireworks show. 

Don't expect that they always have to be the one who drives while you were on the passenger seat, the one who brings you in a beach get-away, or the one whom you wanted to be with in a romantic hotel room. Don't expect that they will come in a perfect night, watching the full moon beside you, on the top of your neighbor's roof. They won't always come along with butterflies in your stomach, racing heartbeats, and blushing cheeks.

Sometimes, the right one comes beside you on your tiring day, and will just understand your stories and roller coaster emotions. Sometimes, they are the ones who listen to how you call yourself ugly every time you feel like saying it and tell you that you're the most beautiful in his eyes. 

Because in my story with him, he came with a smile that validates my dreams even how much they sound impossible. He's the one who tells me he'll save me on a game, watch me play on my own, or shows me how his game works. He's the one who never gets tired of loving me 25/8 in his own timeline. He's the one who loves to film and take pictures of me when I look in the depth of my view. He's the one who never gets annoyed on my almost repeating stories about Taylor Swift and cute pink things under my eyes, who wouldn't mind my bad sides, and the one that I can be myself with.

Don't expect that the right one always come in beautiful places, won't have your ideal characteristics—but the one who will figure everything out with you. Sometimes, they are the ones you never expected to be that important to you, to be the ones you can never imagine to live without."

—Jhunamae Moja(Smnllyl, 25/8)

Journal Date: 03.31.24

Forever

"Do you still remember that we hugged before I went home? Before I forgot that the outside world still exists — you revolved around me. After long days of being together, and after long nights when we walked on the pavement. 

Do you still mind the stories I told you? About still thinking and loving you secretly between our fallouts and more. You swore to be fine after I leave. Rained me with sweet kisses and spilled the words "This is the reason why I love your wide forehead, I could always plant here with a lot of kisses!" as I continued to indulge your kisses and lines. 

Do you still smell the coffee you made me in the mornings? Wishing to taste it every day I wake up. To see your smiles and chuckles when you see me beside you. To feel your warm arms that set fire to my coldest bones.

I hope you don't only remember the good ones. 

Also, the moments we unintentionally curse each other for being witty and funny. Resolved fights that served us lessons to make over. The courage to watch horror movies knowing we will end up hiding in a pillow or each other's arms with goosebumps and screams. Our dinners with long talks and lots of my brutally structured jokes for you. Feeling comfortable by saying 'Good night' instead of 'See you, goodbye.".

I hope you remember them too because I believe that those are the best ones. 

I wrote this not to remind you of the moments I am happy with. I wrote this to live in the minds of our great-grandchildren when they can read. 

I hope we exist as long as these words are constructed about us, then our memories will remain, and we will continue to exist, forever."

—Jhunamae Moja (Smnllyl, forever)

Journal Date: 03.10.24

And now...

"Now that I found someone who never makes me question my self-worth. After hoping to find someone who chases my happiness as much as their own. 

After hoping to find someone who supports me in the things I am passionate about. After hoping to find someone who I could laugh with and sit in silence with and share my deepest secrets with. 

After hoping to find someone to be my lover, my partner, and my best friend. After hoping to find someone who would treat me as their equal, who learn and grow with me and beside me.

After hoping to find someone who appreciates all the tiny details that make me who I am. After hoping to find someone who respects my heart, my weakness, and my insecurities.  

Now that I found the man who reminds me that I deserve the love that I give in return,

And now that I am with you,

I will never let you go... again."

—Jhunamae Moja (Smnllyl, And Now)

Journal Date: 03.10.24