"Maybe, you do love me.
But words are words and actions are actions.
Because I've experienced and witnessed myself in enough brokenness - I didn't know why I hadn't discovered the difference between those words yet. And with all my heart, I can tell you that maybe you do love me — at some time in your life. Maybe, I became your favorite person once in this lifetime. Maybe, I made you happy in the moments you needed someone to. Maybe, I made you feel loved somehow through words I sent you — which will never be my loss because I have the purest intentions from my most sincere heart.
And in return,
As my reward,
Can I ask you these...
How many times you have made me feel confused?
How many times you have filled my heart with what-ifs and unrequited love?
With sorrow?
How many times I have felt the bitterness?
The emptiness?
The endless void that leads to nowhere?
How many times have I cried?
Enough tears to fill an ocean?
How many?
A million. God, I don't want to count anymore."
—Jhunamae Moja (Smnllyl, enough)
Journal Date: 12.27.19
