"Once more, here I am waking up against the nightmares about you. Crawling to find a paper to ink a story down, I could write us one better. Even though we never kissed and told our confusions right in each other's eyes. If it is just about how storms of us collided with us and wavered over us.
A little more, here I am drowning as I sleep each night in an ocean of regrets— I should've held you tighter. I should've loved you a little more or a little less. I should've kept your baby picture in the box of your memories in me. I should've had strings left with someone I always loved. I should have you— whom I asked from above.
A little more, here I am drafting letters I know that will never be sent. With thousands of future emails that I sent you yesterday and cancelled it right away. With bookmarked lines that I highlighted for you. With lines of the song where I remember you. With crumpled papers I kept in my drawer where I write passages where we went wrong. With all my prose and poems — I let them sail through my hesitations to steam them all to you. I let them be my true blue. I let them growl every night and then. I let them be my good trauma between us even it became louder than my love for you.
And once more, I let myself ache with dreams tonight with wounds that hurts the most."
— Jhunamae Moja (tacenda, smnllyl)
Journal Date: 05.29.23
