"I am here sitting and typing all my flooding regrets of forgetting you from the past. But I hope you know my reason, I tried to save myself from drowning in the pain of not being loved back by you, from aching of not having you.
Here I am filming another scene at the back of my head of being left again by you. How I wish it would not happen. How I wish regretting is enough. How I wish I didn't have to start from zero and prove myself again for another decade. But I don't mind starting over again.
Here I am reminiscing that I had a couple of strong shots of whiskey yesterday but I only got drunk with your kisses. I was drunk with your laugh and warm hugs as I answered you twice if I wanted more kisses from you. I got drunk with your sincerity. I got drunk with your overflowing love. And I don't mind being drunk every day if it is because of you.
Here I am hyped-up with the sugar you fed me last night—opening them with regrets of not seeing you today.
Here I am missing you more.
Here I am dying dead to go back from the past and make everything in the right place."
—Jhunamae Moja (Smnllyl, drunk)
Journal Date: 11.25.23
